Outsider

There are certain things that are addictive about Japan...

And one of them is being an outsider. I think many foreigners complain that life in Japan is difficult because they are always seen as an outsider, based on their nationality and background. They get frustrated that they are never accepted as insiders no matter how long they have lived in Japan or how well they speak the language. Japan is an exclusive place and an exclusive culture. What was it, only 150 years ago that they came out of a period of complete state-controlled isolation? You will always be welcomed warmly here, but unless you are of the Japanese bloodline, assumptions will be made about you. You are a book that will always be judged by its cover.

In a way, for me, I thrive on being an outsider simply because it gives me a feeling of comfort.

Growing up in Chimayo, New Mexico, as a white, blonde-haired kid was nearly the same experience that I'm having now. I was a minority. Northern New Mexico also has a somewhat exclusive, deep rooted Hispanic and Native American culture. Anyone who is white or black is immediately considered an outsider. It frustrated me more than anything when a local asked me "where did you come from?" I wanted to scream out "I'm one of you". I explained that I was actually born and raised not far from them.

It drove me crazy, but over time it became a pattern that I associated with my own identity. When I went to college in 90% white Portland, I felt a bit of an identity crisis as I, all of a sudden, wasn't so unique anymore. And now that I'm back in that pattern of being stared at, of being different, of people judging me by my cover, it's frightfully comforting. Only this time, I really am the outsider, and I have no problem with the cultural ostracization. I have a better tolerance for it than many people who didn't grow up as a minority. So each time a kid or an old woman stops, stares and points, I just wave and say hello with a tinge of nostalgia.