I'm a loser, baby

Last night my friend Ayumi told me how I am not like other Americans because when I am complimented, I deny the compliment and shake my head and say NO NO NO in the Japanese way, rather than elaborate or say GEE THANKS!

Lately I've been thinking about how I have been influenced here by the Japanese habit for complimenting others and modestly deprecating yourself. I've come to believe that I'm really good at the things I'm bad at, and really bad at things I am good at or used to be good at. Like, my Japanese...bad...but everyday I am told how incredible it is, to the point that I no longer feel I need to study it because I'm obviously near fluency. Also, I've come to be so modest about the strong points in my life or personality that my self-confidence has actually been lowered because I've forced myself to convey the image of an unskilled, unattractive, illiterate, uneducated and inexperienced imbecile.

So I'm trying to get into the habit of doing and practicing the things I was once good at, and being at least a little proud of the fact that I can do them and that I identify with them as something that defines me, and stop knocking myself down so much just because it fits into the local way of social self-presentation.

So, what's up Japan! I totally RULE.

Off to Sado tomorrow maybe. Anyone? Anyone?