bum deal

I went out with my friend Ayumi last night for some Japanese conversation practice over food at one of my favorite izakayas called Kacho. The sashimi is cheap, no one speaks English, and it has an 'only in Japan' type feel to it. Plus, one of the mama-sans is kinda funny and crazy.

Anyway, Ayumi's English is perfect because she's lived in New Zealand for a long time. So after an hour or so of Japanese I got tired and reverted back to English, but the conversation got pretty good...I learned a lot about the Japanese social pressures that someone her age (she's 30) feels if she's not married or settling her life. She's essentially becoming more and more of an outcast because she doesn't want to marry - she wants to travel around more for a while and isn't in need of a family of her own quite yet. But because she's been 'tainted' by Western life, her attitude is a little too cosmopolitan and independent to be accepted by a more traditional Japanese who has never lived outside of the country. Sure it's trendy and cool to go overseas and live the Western life and speak English, but she talked about people who actually call her 'crazy' for thinking outside of the box and going beyond the superficial hip-ness that she's acquired because she's done the Western thing.

She still lives with her family, as does nearly every person I know in this town. It's pretty much customary to live with your family after college until you marry, and even then I think the oldest usually still lives at home. But once her brother marries and stays home with her mom, it is expected of her to move out and find a husband and live with him or his family.

However, she probably won't find a husband because she is considered past 'prime'. She looks like she's 16, but when she tells a date or something that she is 30, sometimes he will stop talking to her or pulls the 'let's be friends' thing.

But, she's a little stronger than the rest of the women her age in that she realized it's just pressure and is a little bit uncool for people to be determining what she should be doing with her life based on her age and gender. However, I know other 30 + year olds here who don't have the same perspective to realize they don't have to bend to expectations, and they are just oozing a frantic, desperate and alarming plea for some sort of spouse - anyone, really - before they sink lower into the 'castaway barrel'. So, it's a bum deal for them...